Heavy Logix.

Lateral Thoughts on Life.

Matchmaking, Marraige and Masturbation.

For some bizarre reason, which I still can’t fully fathom, people often ask me for directions to places even though I’m just as lost as they are.

They always ask me and they get upset if I say I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I wear glasses, or something, all I know is, people expect me to know stuff and they always ask for my advice.

When I’m in a store, for instance, people always come up to me and ask me where various items are, as if I work there or something. Quite often I’m trying to find the same items they are and also have no clue.

(Sometimes I’m tempted to act like I work there and then advise them to shop somewhere else, kinda like what Danny Devito did in the movie “Ruthless People” when he answered a wrong number.  “Who do you want ? You want Mary ? (wrong number) . Yeah Mary is here, but I’m shagging her right now, call back later okay ? “, that guy Danny always cracks me up.)

Anyway, let’s get back to whatever convoluted point I was trying to make. I was saying, it seems that while drifting around aimlessly from aisle to aisle, searching for the latest version of sliced Hardo bread, I appear to know what I’m doing. Or perhaps, in their desperation, they really don’t even care anymore where they get advice from. They ask me. Anything they need to know.

Lately though, aside from being asked for directions to the cucumber or hearing that common query, ” Where is the whipped cream ? “, I’ve noticed that lately many people are asking me about the three M’s.

You know ? The three M’s. Matchmaking, Marraige and Masturbation.

Ok, I lied, they only ask me about marraige, but I find that it often reveals that they really have a problem finding a decent match and this frustration seems to be driving more and more to seek Masturbation as a temporary solution. They don’t tell me this last one either, but I can read between the lines, and I know where the Mozarella is too, because I read between the aisles.

Here’s my best advice to you, before you even ask ;

Match Making. If you’re reading blogs, instead of hanging out at sleazy bars and stageshows, then chances are you’ll have better luck at online dating than in trying to break the ice in person. My matchmaking advice is Do it Yourself . Just take a good photo of yourself and post it along with an interesting profile at Tagged and VibesconnectFacebook is also an excellent place to network, or meet people, but it’s not really designed for dating and I would recommend it solely for business contacts and for keeping in touch with old friends.

Marraige. It’s all based on communication. In my case things improved a lot once my wife got a laptop and we could message each other from different rooms of the house.

Since that might not work well for everyone read this blog by a pastor and practice what he preaches. Keep learning and hopefully your spouse does the same.

Masturbation. My masturbation advice is do not Do it Yourself , it can be dangerous.

Be Careful.

Be Careful.

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January 31, 2009 - Posted by | blog, humor, marraige, Strategy, success, writing | , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

3 Comments »

  1. […] see, aside from the unusual and largely useless super power of, “Always being asked for advice”, I also have the even less useful and potentially dangerous “Familiar Face” super […]

    Pingback by Doppelganger. « Heavy Logix. | February 1, 2009 | Reply

  2. That picture is FUNNEE! LOL!

    Comment by Mad Bull | February 8, 2009 | Reply

  3. What you have to do to avoid that is alternate the hands, Heavy Logix! Also, you can try to use the different hands in different ways. Hey, with practice, it’ll even be like you have two women, which as every male knows, is better than having the Holy Grail, so…

    Comment by Mad Bull | February 8, 2009 | Reply


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